But this is where things have the potential to go seriously wrong: He asked if I wanted to meet up briefly in a local pub, just to see if there was any chemistry between us in real life before going on a proper date. I matched with this girl and we were speaking for about a week before we decided to go on a date.
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All I could hear was the loud, horrible sound of her lips slapping as she devoured each bite, mixed with heavy breathing. The first sign of trouble was when he gave me a bag full of Haribo, filled only with love hearts and rings, which may not have been so bad, if I had any interest.
My date went to his trunk and retrieved one of his custom-tailored white French-cuff suit shirts that was supposed to be dropped off at the cleaners the next morning He donated the shirt to my cause.
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We left the shirt by the road side, BTW. Although totally embarrassed and humiliated, I got back into the car.
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Not only did my date handle the entire situation with compassion although he still calls me Freeway , he took me back to the restaurant and raised a little hell about the incident their food had just created. We not only continued to date, we married and just celebrated 17 years in April. He still calls me Freeway! Took me a minute to realize he was saying that he grew pot, and consumed massive quantities of it every day.
And it was apparently his whole life. Then he 'forgot' his wallet when the check came. Yeah, that was enough. The cows were crapping over the side of the truck onto my parents' suburban sidewalk. He put chopsticks in his mouth and pretended to be a mammoth.
We went out for dinner and drinks which he made me pay for myself which is whatever I can handle myself , but when we got back to the bar we had met at for drinks before dinner for him to return me to my car he leaned in for a kiss and I gave him a quick peck and he said 'that's all I get!? Yup buddy that's all you get. After a little while she returned saying she could not find it and she was too embarrassed to walk past the people in my house, as my flat mate had guests around.
Thankfully it was not a carpeted floor. Needless to say there was no second date. She wore a faux fur coat which was about 10 times too big for her, some sparkly leggings and some hideous trainers. When he said 'well kept' I think he meant well kept beer in his beer belly.
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He leaned in for a kiss and I turned my head away. He asked to see me again. The barman had to drag him off me.
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Then he told me he was surprised I wasn't shy because he had a better body than me. So I had to make up an excuse for going out and chuck him out, and then hide around the corner for half an hour. We talked several times and decided to meet in person.
He began calling me all through the night and singing in to the phone. He seemed nice, and we bumped into each other a few times too. Suddenly, he was all handsy, slurring his words and saying totally inappropriate things to me and the bar staff about how he wanted me to get naked right then. Needless to say, the gravy went everywhere.
Again, I should have just upped and left. People all around were giving us weird looks and smirking, not surprisingly.
I had to pay, as he'd conveniently forgotten his wallet, and then as he couldn't barely stand let alone walk, I ended up giving him a lift to the station. Which of course I looked at, and found messages from 7 different women telling him what a stud he was. They had obviously met a different version of the man than I had!
By Nicola Oakley Head of Audience. Bridget Jones was no stranger to bad date stories - or bad hair on dates Get daily news updates directly to your inbox Subscribe See our privacy notice More newsletters. Thank you for subscribing We have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice.